tumblr took over

erinboogie.tumblr.com

I should keep writing in here but all I ever write about is sad stuff and who wants to read that?

Maybe I'll come back, maybe I won't.

lately

I was reading one of the many wedding blogs I follow and there was an entry on wedding invitation wording and what is proper and what is not. I read some examples and almost all of them used someone along the lines of ...

Mr and Mrs. Soandso invite you to

the marriage of their daughter

Blahdiblah Soandso

to

Joe Schmo

and with that first line it felt like someone sucked all the air out of my lungs. There will be no Mr and Mrs, no first dance, no wedding toast from my dad. So when people wonder why i am still having a hard time its things like this...

father's day 2011

A coworker came up to my supervisor today and asked if he could go home because his mother was dying and she had asked to see him and my heart broke. I was thrown back into the days before my father passed away when I'd agonize over the hours spent at work and away from the hospital and I'd sit at my desk red eyed and puffy from crying in the bathroom all afternoon. Today is such a shitty day, I wish the world could turn off days like today to people like me and my family. I know that sounds so selfish but how else can I feel? I miss my dad so much today.

this was fun.

Father's day

One day I hope this won't always feel like someone is punching my in the chest but my dad would have loved this card.

basically

PRB weekend and I'll be at a metal show

I am feeling very un-punk rock right now. Maybe some Against Me! will help?

Are you feeling more P.F.R. now?

 I know I am!

This girl

I may never be thin enough, pretty enough, tall enough, I may never impress you with my wit or sense of humor, I may never love metal or punk rock or indie music enough, I will probably never dress the way you think I should or the way you might BUT at the end of the day I know who I am and what I want out of life and who loves me and who I love and some people may never be able to say that.

I am 5'4" on a good day and teetering on the edge of happy and miserable with my weight. I am an aspiring zombie make up artist and (hopefully soon) beauty school student (round two). I am in love with Michael James Wild. I am the youngest of 3, born on the 3rd. I am a mean, spiteful, funny, loud, Disneyland loving, kind, beautiful, big hearted, singing, movie quoting, lost, happy girl. I will never be what you expected or hoped for. I am a daughter, sister, best friend, aunt, lover, h8r, jerk, sweetheart, bitch and beauty and I'll never stop evolving.

 I am Erin Elizabeth Borgos whether you like it or not.

weddings and a birthday

Oh my!

Last night Michael and I attended Kyle's wedding reception. It was lovely. They looked so happee! The food was good, cupcakes delish and the candy bar was a major bonus. I would give this wedding a solid 10 and not just because we really love those two. His wife is a doll and looked so beautiful. I have to say my favorite part was her maid of honor wore this really pretty yellow dress and it reminded me of Belle in Beauty and The Beast but I could be suffering from Disney overdose in preparation for my birthday trip.

Speaking of birthdays, mine is on June 3rd and that is only a few days away. Who is excited? This girl! I've been buying myself birthday gifts over the past few days, mostly make up but I am debating on buying myself the live recording of the Coheed & Cambria show we saw in LA a few weeks ago, we'll see. I've also been seeing other things I would like for my birthday incase any one is interested...

karmaloop.com under disney couture

forever21 giftcard. simple enough, right?

maccosmetics.com-pink lemonade

maccosmetics.com viva glam cyndi  lipglass

sephora giftcard

sephora.com - urban decay afterglow blush in crush

I promise I am not expecting all these gifts but this is just an easier method of providing a list for those friends and family members who are asking and I like posting pictures of make up on my blog. No biggie.

I'll hopefully be reviewing my latest cosmetic purchases on the birthday trip and posting them here.

p.s.

This guy and I love eachother. A lot.

9 years

So the LA slash 9yearsinthemaking roadtrip was F-U-N.

We stayed at the Royal Pagoda Motel in chinatown in LA and I loved it. It was right in the heart of Chinatown and they let us check in super early which always wins points with me. We decided to eat at the 101cafe after we had checked in and showered and dolled up. The cafe overall was a let down. They screwed up my grilled cheese and we got a lot of dirty looks from all the hipsters and punk rock kids. Walking around Hollywood was fun like always. We browsed the used and new dvds, cds and records at Amoebia and fell in love with the Hollywood Tour apartments.

The show was...amazing. It was nothing like I had expected but still so perfect. We stood in line for 3 hours and then they played for 3 hours (okay like 2 and 1/2 hours) but it was so fun. We sang and laughed and screamed and danced and the next day I felt old but so content. I can't really explain everything that happened and how happy I felt despite my voice cutting out, my entire body aching and Michael having quite possibly the worst letterman moment ever, it was still such an amazing night.

The art exhibit at The Geffen was so, so, so good. Some pieces were heart breaking, some were hilarious and I am glad we all went and saw it. Also Chocolate Almond Pocki is worth 2.50 as long as you don't lose it when you get home.

We had so much fun and in a few days we're all (with the addition of my awesome Mom) going to see Mickey and eat churros and laugh and try to make my birthday as good as possible despite everything else going on in our world. I cannot wait.

p.s
growing up was your birthday a big deal? is it a big deal now?

Birthday

My 24th birthday is in...18 days and a wake up! These are the things I've been dreaming about for my birthday....not pictured is a trip to Disneyland and the Tim Burton exhibit at LACMA, a family bbq with swimming and tritip, my joes jeans hemmed to ther perfect length, maybe a new tattoo oh and a Kindle





forever21.com size med



urbanoutfitters.com







amazon.com







forever21.com





forever21.com size large



urbanoutfitters.com



karmaloop.com



urbanoutfitters.com sz med.



 karmaloop.com

tomshoes.com

urbanoutfitters.com sz med



urbanoutfitters.com. sz 7



forever21.com











 ps i added a few more things and the websites where they can be found as per my best friends request.











Dads birthday 2011

I want to tell you about the road trip, about the drive down and the awesome motel in china town or about standing in line for 3 hours to guarantee my best friend and I could sing along and throw our fists in the air to the same words we were falling in love with 9 years ago. I want to tell you about all of this but all I can think about is how much I miss my Dad today and how unreal it is that he is no longer here to celebrate his birthday or any birthday ever. I wanted to call his phone and leave a message singing happy birthday or go buy him some new board shorts like I did for almost every birthday before this one. I tried so hard to pretend it wasn't killing me all day but once I gave in to what I was feeling it felt so much easier to just cry if i needed to or laugh if it felt right. I wouldn't have survived had I not been surrounded by my best friend and Michael. I know he would have been so proud of the Cadillac margaritas and Santana playing in the restaurant. So Happy Birthday Dad, wherever you are, I miss you and love you.

p.s. this was written last night on Dads actual birthday but I wasn't able to get it up til today.  I promise I'll write a happy entry and post some pictures from the road trip soon.

when I lose control...

Sometimes someone else can say what you wanted to say so much better than you could have or atleast this has been true for me more than once.

"Cause I don't want to lose your hold on me."

Good for you, GOOOOD for you.

this is not a representation of the Bride and Groom

Today I will be attending my very good friend Bridgets wedding reception and I cannot wait.

I have known Bridget since I was in 6th grade when I was borderline obsessed with her style. She has always been one of the most stylish people in my life. I am so excited for her and her soon to be husband! Everyone around me is getting married or having babies and for once I don't feel that slight (or maybe sometimes severe) feeling of jealousy. I know Bridget deserves the very best and she has finally found it, how could I ever be anything but full on stoked for her? I love her a lot and I cannot wait to see her today (and of course see her dress!)



Also in 4 days and a wake up I will be driving to LA with my best friend and the love of my life and then standing in line for a million hours and then seeing my most favorite band of all time play my most favorite cd of all time 9 years after I saw them for the first time with my best friend. I. Am. So. Excited.

I need to focus on all the positive. Stop looking out at the lonely ocean and see the sun. Don't give up on me, I'll find my way through this.



this was taken at the show 9 years ago



together we can burn this place down...

this is for my best friend.

chin up.

If that's what it takes

I have Tori Amos stuck in my head. The song 1000 Oceans is pretty appropriate to my current state

It's been a string of bad days lately, yesterday being the worst. I am completely overwhelmed by missing my father and I have no idea how to deal with any of this. Any advice and support is greatly appreciated.

thanks.



Too close to home

Just when I was starting to feel better things started to close in on meand get too heavy again.

I am supposed to be house-sitting for my mom while she is on a lovely cruise with her best friends but last night when the internet wouldn't work and I was left sitting in a den full of pictures my dad used to keep on his desk at work and the books he used to read and the ashtrays he collected and it just felt too real. All night I tossed and turned and when I woke up Michael and I were both grumpy.

I emailed my mom and let her know the dogs would be fed and interacted with but I wasn't up to sleeping there.

My love follows you where you go

More wishes than a thousand hearts can count for you
More smiles than a merry-go-round
The sweetest ending to a bed-time story told
My love follows you where you go
More laughter than a kindergarten out to play
One Sunday morning song that says it all
More summer than a California beach can hold
My love follows you where you go
Future like a promise - and you're a city of Gold
Stubborn in your bones and Jesus in your soul
Seeing you stand there - staring at the unknown
I won't pretend that it's not killing me
Watching you walk away slow
Take forgiveness - take a prayer - take the deepest breath
Take the answers in your heart
When you wake up and the world is cruel and cold
My love follows you where you go
Future like a promise - and you're a city of Gold
Stubborn in your bones and Jesus in your soul
Seeing you stand there - staring at the unknown
I won't pretend that it's not killing me
Watching you walk away slow
More freedom than a field of flowers in the wind
More beauty than a morning after rain
Up the steepest hill - a dark and crooked road
My love follows you where you go
Future like a promise - and you're a city of Gold
Stubborn in your bones and Jesus in your soul
Seeing you stand there - staring at the unknown
I won't pretend that it's not killing me
Watching you walk away slow

(thanks to my sister for telling me about this)

Update:

-Been a little too quiet lately.

-Having nightmares a lot.

-Work is exhausting emotionally and mentally, despite what one may think.

-Gaining more and more weight.

-Right on the verge of a creative outlet but it is all about timing.


None of these things are positive. It is hard to find positives when all you feel is overwhelming, even the small stuff can knock me down lately. I'm really missing my dad a lot right now and my brother. I wish I had more to say, more to share, something happy but lately I'm keeping all those moments to myself to stay sane and survive.

Maybe, maybe, maybe?

Lately things have been kind of crappy for everyone in Wildhaus. The cats are fighting, the dishes are never quite done, the roses are lonely and Michael and I are both just down in the dumps most days. To combat this cloud of gloom hanging over us we have been having slap fights(only playful of course), trying out new recipes and just trying to relax and take things as they come. The biggest problem is we both can only help each other so much, we can only offer so many jokes or hugs or smooches and it's never really enough or it can never really lift that cloud. 

I have to say that Michael helps pull me out of the panic attacks and nightmares and moments when it is all just too much but I don't think I can offer that to him no matter what I do (or don't do). I am struggling with this, I keep hoping something I do will help but so far I'm not getting the results I'm hoping for but it isn't about me, is it? I just wish I could give to Michael the relief he offers me anytime I need it, even if I don't recognize that I need it. I am trying to accept that maybe he doesn't need that sort of attention or support from me. Maybe he just needs me to stand back, relax and let him do this on his own.

Maybe?